i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize