Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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