Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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