Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
