just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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