I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
