Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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