i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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