We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
