we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
