My brain says no but my pants say off.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
