he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
