I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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