I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
