just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
