im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
