I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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