i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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