he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
