I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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