Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
