I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
