Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Randomize
