Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
