no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
