careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
