plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize