Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
