we're blogging at a bar
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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