She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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