If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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