your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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