I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
