Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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