Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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