You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
