he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
