Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
