Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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