I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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