I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
