Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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