He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
