Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
