dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
