im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
