if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
