1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i believe in u and ur pee
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
