i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize