Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
