I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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