I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
