you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
