who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
