I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
