I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
