I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
