if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
