you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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