Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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