if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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