I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
