Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
