My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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