Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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