Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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