I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
