There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bring money and cleavage
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
